just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
