broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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