I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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