i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
