I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
