When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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