i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
