its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
