If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
