What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
