I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
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I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
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So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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