I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
