just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
