Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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