she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
