he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
