allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
