Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize