when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i already hear my dad disowning me
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
