I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
