and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
