So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
