On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
