The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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