Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
