look no pants
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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