My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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