I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Randomize
