The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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