Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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