Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
