I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
