i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
time to smoke my breakfast
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
