I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
