Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
