I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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