i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
