that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
