the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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