Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
