In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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