We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
