therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I cockslap morals
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
