holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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