I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I believe in your delicious
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
