I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
