I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
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