you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
