Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
