I just pynch a tree in the face
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
