i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
