I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
is it fun? or sober?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
