On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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