If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
