One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
