miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Church boner. Awkwardddd
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
