I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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