that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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