That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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