I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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