Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
