Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
