I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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