It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
