How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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