Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
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