if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
