woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
