And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
