someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
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