Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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