I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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