dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
