She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
