who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
