I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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