I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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