then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
