New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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