I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
