Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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