well most of my day revolves around power hour
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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